Riddles about the Eyes

There are many riddles about the human body, especially the eyes.

Two sisters sit at the upstairs windows;

They look around but cannot see each other.

I visit everyone, but no one can visit me.

What are the birds that graze on a place not near?

Two nuts cross a river.

I cast my arrow in the daytime, it went far off;

I cast my arrow at night; it did not go far.

Two arrows with black wings reach wherever they wish.

 

Wikipedia

 

Riddles about Time

I'm going to be including riddles here in this "crazy wisdom" project because riddles are a great example of foolish wisdom, a skewed way of looking at the world which gives us new insights: the harder the riddle, the better the insights.

In this post, I'll be collecting riddles about time.

This thing all things devours:

Birds beasts trees flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays king, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down.

Time.

What goes up but doesn't come down?

Your age.

What four days of the week start with T?

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

Some More Nasruddin Quickies

Here are some more little ones, under 50 words:

~ ~ ~

"My donkey's a genius!" Nasruddin shouted to his wife, who just looked at him skeptically.
"I'll show you! Donkey, what is 3 times 7 plus 5 minus 6 divided by 4 times 2 minus 10? There! Did you see?"
"But he didn't do anything."
"Exactly! The answer is nothing!"

I had fun making up the math problem that Nasruddin proposes to the donkey; when I was little, I loved math games like this that would. yield zero or else would lead back to the same number a person had guessed originally... mathematics magic!

~ ~ ~

Poor Nasruddin: his donkey didn't have any hat to eat... so he sold his donkey to buy some hay.

At least this is a better outcome for the donkey than the story where Nasruddin teaches his donkey to go without food... except that the donkey up and dies before he has finished learning the lesson! 

~ ~ ~

Nasruddin bought a huge bag of bird seed at the market.
"How many birds do you have?" the salesman asked.
"None!" replied Nasruddin. "But I'm hoping to grow a whole flock."

No, you cannot grow birds from bird seed... and you cannot get a horse from an egg either; see the story of the horse's egg.

~ ~ ~

"Where are you going?" asked Nasruddin's wife.
"It's the mayor's uncle's funeral," replied Nasruddin.
"The mayor's uncle?" But you don't even know him!"
"That doesn't matter! I always go to other people's funerals," Nasruddin replied, "so they will come to mine!"

In a variant on this one, Nasruddin refuses to go to someone's funeral, saying, "It's not as if he is going to come to mine!" 

~ ~ ~

"Nasruddin, what happened? Why is your leg in a cast?"

"I broke it!"

"But how?"

"Raking leaves."

"But I don't understand..."

"It was a very tall tree!"

Moral of the story: don't rake your leaves before they're fallen. 

~ ~ ~

One day little Nasruddin climbed all the way up to the highest shelf in the kitchen... and then he knocked down his mother's favorite bowl.

It shattered.

"It's okay, mama!" Nasruddin shouted. "I'm not hurt!"

Little Nasruddin's response might seem foolish, because his mother is probably not going to think it is okay that her favorite bowl is broken. But I think there is some foolish wisdom at work here: if she stops and thinks about it, little Nasruddin is right. A shattered bowl can be replaced, but not a shattered little boy... and Nasruddin can grasp his lucky escape more quickly than his mother might.

~ ~ ~

When Nasruddin learned that most car accidents happen with two miles of home, he moved.

And yes, if you are wondering, there are indeed modern Nasruddin jokes that involve cars, airplanes, etc., in addition to the traditional Nasruddin jokes where his donkey is his means of transportation. 

~ ~ ~

The policeman pulled Nasruddin over for speeding. "You were doing over 100 miles an hour," he said.
"Impossible!" replied Nasruddin. "I only left my house about ten minutes ago."

This is another fun one with Nasruddin and mathematics. Yes, we believe in the concept of an "average" ... but who knows just how far Nasruddin would have driven in a whole hour? Maybe over 100 miles, or maybe not. Of course, he is still going to get a speeding ticket!

~ ~ ~

Nasruddin was sitting beside the river.

"I need to across," a stranger said. "How deep is it?"

"Two inches," Nasruddin replied. "Maybe three."

The man walked into the river, and its deep, rushing currents swept him away.

"How strange," thought Nasruddin. "The water only came half-way up on the ducks."

This is one of those jokes where you have to wonder if Nasruddin is really the fool that he seems to be, or perhaps a much more dangerous character: the trickster. 

~ ~ ~

"Nasruddin, you stole apricots from my orchard!"

"No, I didn't!" Nasruddin insisted.

"But I can produce six witnesses who saw you stealing the apricots."

"So what? I can produce a hundred witnesses who didn't see me."

I can easily imagine Nasruddin bringing all one hundred witness to court to provide their eyewitness testimony that they did not see him stealing apricots!

apricots

10 Nasruddin Quickies

These little jokes could probably be developed into longer Nasruddin stories (like the way I added the substance of the quarrel to the one-liner about the husband and wife arguing: The Quarrel of Nasruddin and His Wife), but for now I'm just going to keep these super-short, under 50 words. They are jokes I found in modern jokebooks, adapted to Nasruddin (with one exception noted below).

~ ~ ~

Nasruddin started painting as a hobby, and he took one of his paintings to an art critic to get his opinion.

"It's worthless," said the critic.

"Yes, I know," replied Nasruddin, "but I'd still like to hear your opinion."

For more about the perils of pronouns and other language pitfalls, see Nasruddin's Answers / Non-Answers.

~ ~ ~

"Send help!" Nasruddin shouted into the telephone. "My wife is in labor!"
"Calm down, sir. Is this her first child?"

"No, this is her husband."

Another joke about the perils of pronouns!

~ ~ ~

"Ouch! A bee stung me!" little Nasruddin cried.

"Poor thing!" said his mother. "Let's put some ointment on it."

"Don't be silly," said little Nasruddin. "It already flew away! We'll never catch it."

Another perils-of-pronouns joke.

~ ~ ~

Nasruddin sees a man on the other side of the river. "Hey you!" the man shouts to Nasruddin. "How can I get to the other side of the river."

Nasruddin scratches his head, confused. "You're already on the other side of the river!" he shouts back.

This joke is about the perils of linguistic self-reference: my other is not your other!

~ ~ ~

A neighbor came to Nasruddin, looking very sad. "I'm afraid I've run over your cat, Nasruddin. It's dead. Can I replace it?"

"I don't know," said Nasruddin. "How good are you at catching mice?"

This little joke plays on the perils of English: just how are we supposed to know the difference between "Can I (myself) replace it?" and "Can I replace it with another cat?" Other languages might be able to avoid the ambiguous pitfall that makes this English joke work.

~ ~ ~

It was Nasruddin's birthday, and somebody gave him a book as a present, but he declined. "That's kind of you," he said, "but I already have one."

This joke plays with the idea of the noun "book" as if every book were the same "book." All books are books, but not all books are the same book!

~ ~ ~

"Help!" Nasruddin shouted. "Help! Someone just stole my car."

A nearby policeman came over to help. "Did you get a look at the thief?" he asked.

"No," said Nasruddin sadly. "But I got most of the license number."

I really like this little joke: Nasruddin tried hard, but only got part of his own license number. He doesn't realize that he already know the whole thing! So too many of us labor to learn something that we might in fact already know... we just don't know what we know! This is the kind of subtle meaning that has allowed so many Nasruddin jokes to be used by the Sufis as teaching stories; see the chapter on Nasruddin in Idries Shah's The Sufis.

~ ~ ~

"Can you tell me the quickest way to get to Istanbul?" someone asked Nasruddin.

"Are you walking or driving?" asked Nasruddin.

"Driving."

"Oh, good: driving is definitely the quickest way to get to Istanbul."

Although this is a joke I found in a modern jokebook, it seems to me a perfect example of Nasruddin language-humor. Now I am wondering if I won't someday find this joke in a book of traditional Nasruddin stories.

~ ~ ~

"My wife just had a baby!" Nasruddin shouted out of his window, delighted.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" one of his neighbors shouted back.

"Yes!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "But how did you know?"

This is a traditional Nasruddin story, and I wanted to include it here as yet another example of the peril of "or" questions. I remember I used to ask give my online students a questionnaire at the beginning of each semester, and one of the questions was "Do you use a Windows or a Macintosh computer?" Every semester at least one student would answer "yes" in all seriousness, not just having me on. Of course, with Nasruddin, you never know if he is having you on or not.

~ ~ ~

Nasruddin asked his friend to loan him some money. "I need $3000 for a cup of coffee."

"You've got to be kidding!" his friend exclaimed. "You don't need $3000 to get a cup of coffee."

"But I want to drink it in Brazil," said Nasruddin.

This little joke exemplies the wishful thinking and unbridled fantasy of the wise fool. Yes, it's ridiculous, but I think it's absolutely charming at the same time.

photo by Terry Shuck

The Quarrel of Nasruddin and His Wife

Again, this is adapted from a modern jokebook about a generic husband and wife, but it seemed perfect for Nasruddin who is so good with words. I made up something for them to quarrel about which relates to another Nasruddin story, when he teaches his donkey to fly (the results are not good); the original joke was just a one-liner.

"No, my husband!" shouted Nasruddin's wife. "Donkeys cannot fly. If they could fly, we would have seen them fly. But I've never seen a donkey flying."

"That proves nothing. By your logic, the pyramids of Egypt do not exist because you have never seen them. Of course the pyramids exist, and of course donkeys can fly."

"No, they can't!"

"Yes, they can!"

And so they argued back and forth until finally Nasruddin said, "Let's be reasonable, my dear. We'll meet halfway."

"What does that mean?" his wife asked, suspicious.

"I'll admit you're wrong," said Nasruddin, "if you'll admit I'm right!"

As for Nasruddin and the flying donkey, here is that story: Nasruddin's Flying Donkey.

wall art in Rome

Nasruddin in the Big City

I'm pretty sure I've seen this as a Nasruddin story, but I adapted my story here from a version I found in a jokebook about a country-bumpkin who goes to the big city.

Nasruddin and his son were visiting their relatives in the big city. 

"Let's go for a walk, son," said Nasruddin, and so they did.

Strolling down the boulevard, they came to a fancy hotel and decided to take a look inside. As they were admiring their reflections in a pair of shiny metal doors, an old woman walked up and pressed a button; the doors opened, she stepped inside, and then the doors closed.

Imagine their surprise a few minutes later when the doors opened, and a beautiful young woman stepped out.

"Son," whispered Nasruddin, "go get your mother! Now!"

Of course, Nasruddin is wrong about what the elevator is for... but he knows what he would do with this magical machine if it really worked the way he thinks it does! There is also an elaborate version of this in the "Wise Men of Chelm" tradition which involves the man thinking that his wife turned into a cat; I'll save that version for a different post.

elevator from LibreShot

The Soldier and the Bacon

This is a medieval story about a fool from the fable-writer Odo of Cheriton; it is included among his "parabolae" in Hervieux's Fabulistes latins: 2. De rege quodam mittente bacones cuidam militi.

A certain king sent to a certain soldier some sides of bacon so that he could sell the bacon and buy clothes suitable for an important church holiday. On the holiday, the foolish soldier wrapped himself left and right with the sides of bacon. When the other soldiers showed up in elegant clothing, he showed up wearing the bacon. When asked why he did this, he said that he put on such clothing as his king had sent him, and he didn't want to change it.

So too the king of us all has commanded us to change our wicked lifestyle, putting on the clothing of virtue instead. Those who refuse will, on the holy day of judgment, look ridiculous, wearing the bacon of their various sins, and the Lord who is in heaven will laugh at them.

Of course the soldier is a fool, and even God laughs at him (how often do you see God laugh?!), but I was also thinking that the soldier is perhaps a sort of holy fool, someone who is attached to the bacon because it came to him from his king, and even though the king himself told him to exchange the bacon for fine clothing, he does not want to part with the gift that came from his king. Of course, the king really does want him to sell the bacon, and God really does not want to see his worshipers dressed in the "bacon of sin" ... but at the same time, there is something endearing about this foolish soldier and about this story IMO.

bacon from rawpixel

Nasruddin's Answers / Non-Answers

Here is a series of language jokes which I have adapted to be about Nasruddin. You will see a theme at work:

"I'm going for a walk," Nasruddin said to his wife.
"How long will you be gone?" she asked.

"The whole time."

It makes you imagine Nasruddin being gone and being present both at the same time, as if he were some mind-bending subatomic particle that can be in two places at once!

Here's another one:

Nasruddin needed to get to Istanbul.

He found a taxi and asked the driver, "Can you take me to Istanbul?"
"Yes, sir," said the driver. "Which part?"

"All of me!" replied Nasruddin.

Istanbul 

 And a variation on the same:

Nasruddin was visiting Egypt.

"And where are you from?" an Egyptian man asked him.

"I'm from Turkey," said Nasruddin.

"Which part?" asked the man.

"All of me!" replied Nasruddin. 

The perfect obtuseness of Nasruddin's replies makes you wonder if he is not perhaps having fun at his interlocutor's expense. Here's another one:

Someone asked Nasruddin, "When is your birthday?"

"The third of September," Nasruddin replied.

"Which year?"

"Every year!"

Again, I have to imagine Nasruddin grinning a bit wickedly when he answers the question that way.

Nasruddin was working as a barber. 

A customer came into his shop. "I'd like a haircut, please."

"Of course!" said Nasruddin. "Which one?"

That little joke depends on the sound-alike ambiguity of English "haircut" and "hair cut." I wonder if there are other languages in which this joke would work!

This joke features Shakespeare, but I've gone ahead and made it a Nasruddin joke too:

Nasruddin walked into a bookstore.

"I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare," he says to the clerk.

"Of course, sir," says the clerk. "Which one?"

"William!" replies Nasruddin, smiling.

How will you learn?

This is a father-and-son joke that I adapted to be about Nasruddin and his father:

Nasruddin and his son went fishing.

"How does the boat float?" asked his son.

"I don't know, son," Nasruddin replied.

Then the son asked, "How do fish breathe under water?"

"I don't know," said Nasruddin.

"Why is the sky blue?"

Again, Nasruddin answered, "I don't know."

"Where do clouds come from?"

"I do not know."

"What makes the wind blow?"

"I do not know."

Then, after a few minutes of silence, Nasruddin's son asked, "Does it bother you that I'm asking so many questions?"

"Of course not, my son. If you don't ask questions, how will you ever learn anything?"

I love this gentle little joke. Is it making fun of Nasruddin? Perhaps, but even if Nasruddin is a fool here, I think he is a wise fool. Nasruddin does not know the answer to any of the questions, but he is not afraid to say that he does not know. Did his son learn anything from this series of questions? Admittedly, he did not get answers to his questions, but he saw his father being patient and honest, and in the end his father spoke true words of wisdom: if you don't ask questions, how will you ever learn anything? So, while this story is meant to make fun of the father, I think it's actually a wisdom tale disguised as a joke... which is true of many traditional Nasruddin stories, and that, I suppose, is why it is so easy to adapt modern jokes to be stories about Nasruddin.

photo by Carol Von Canon

Nasruddin the Optimist

This is based on a joke I heard in Poland, now featuring Nasruddin:

Nasruddin walked into the teahouse.

"How are things, Nasruddin?" asked one of his friends.

"Oh, don't ask!" groaned Nasruddin. "My health is bad. The weather is bad. The local news is bad. The world news is bad." He sighed and took a sip of tea. "Bah, even this tea tastes bad!"

"Cheer up, Nasruddin!" said one of his friends. "You don't have be such a pessimist."

"But I'm not a pessimist," Nasruddin protested.

"What do you mean? Of course you're a pessimist! You're complaining about bad things are. 

"Yes, but I'm an optimist: I think things can always get worse."

The Polish joke goes: "A pessimist is someone who thinks things are bad. An optimist thinks things can always get better. A Polish optimist thinks things can always get worse.

And here's another optimist/pessimist joke. I originally saw this told about an engineer but I've replaced the engineer with Nasruddin:

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

Nasruddin says, "The glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

You can actually read a Wikipedia article about that: Is the glass half empty or half full?

Is the glass half empty or half full?

 

 

 

Dinosaur Bones

I adapted this joke to be a Nasruddin joke by setting it in the Ankara Natural History Museum, a.k.a. Şehit Cuma Dağ Tabiat Tarihi Müzesi.

Nasruddin was working as a security guard in the dinosaur section of the Ankara Natural History Museum.
One day a visitor to the museum pointed to the biggest of the dinosaurs on display and said, "Excuse me, sir. Do you happen to know how old those dinosaur bones are?"
"They are 152 million and four years, seven months old," Nasruddin replied, smiling proudly.
"That's amazing! How can you be so precise?"
"Well, when I started working here, they told me the bones were 152 million years old," replied Nasruddin. "And I started working here four years and seven months ago."

For another joke about Nasruddin and math, see What's 2+2? What I especially like about this joke is that in his "foolishness," Nasrudding is helping us to see something important: although the numbers might look the same, they are not! To say something happened "four years and seven months ago" is totally different than saying "the apatosaurus lived 152 million years ago." Numbers may look precise, but they are precise in different ways. You might think you can just mix and match, but as the joke tells us: nope, you cannot. The result would be, well... a joke!

Here's an apatosaurus that did indeed roam the earth appx. 152 million years ago:

Apatosaurus louisae

What's 2+2?

I think I've seen this already told as a Nasruddin joke, but I found it in a modern joke book below; see notes below.

Nasruddin was looking for a job, so he decided to apply at the local factory; they were looking for an accountant.

The factory owner gave Nasruddin an interview, although he was surprised to see Nasruddin's application. As far as he knew, Nasruddin had no accounting skills whatsoever. "You know you will need math skills for this job," the factory owner said, looking at Nasruddin skeptically. "For example, what would you say if I were to ask you to add two plus two?"

Nasruddin leaned across the table conspiratorially. "Did you have a particular number in mind?"

Nasruddin got the job!

In the joke that I found in the joke book, there is a series of interviews: the boss is looking for an assistant, and so he is interviewing people of various professions. He asks an engineer, who gets out his slide rule; he asks a lawyer, who cites precedent, etc. Then he asks the accountant who uses Nasruddin's line here, and the accountant gets the job.

Like I said, I'm pretty sure I've seen this as a Nasruddin joke already, so if I come across it again in a Nasruddin source, I'll update this post. :-)

The Cowboy Goes to the Doctor

The doctor's office is a common scene for jokes, and I really like this one about a cowboy; I made it into a 100-word story.

A cowboy goes to see a doctor about his bad back. "It aches mighty fierce, Doc!" he says. "Can you do something to help me?"

"Well, let's see what might be doing on," the doctor replies. "Tell me: have you had any kind of accident lately?"

"Nope," says the cowboy. 

"That seems odd," replies the doctor. "I thought cowboying was dangerous work."

"Dangerous? Yes, sir! Just last week I got kicked by a mule, thrown by a bronco, and bit by a snake." 

"And you don't call those accidents?" 

"No, sir!" exclaimed the cowboy. "Them varmints did it on purpose."

The cowboy may seem like a fool to the doctor, but it's just because he has own way of understanding the animals. This joke made me curious about the etymology of the word "varmint," and it turns out it comes from the word "vermin." It's an old word, dating back to the 16th century! (Wiktionary: varmint)

I've been trying to adapt jokes to feature Nasruddin, but the cowboy element of this joke feels essential. I could make it about Nasruddin's donkey kicking him, for example, but it just wouldn't have the same effect as this cowboy joke.

from Rawpixel